Everyone needs something to tickle their funny bone now and again. Laughter is the best medicine for anything that ails you! So I’m going to share some favorite funnies with you that always give me a good giggle!
- Write the name of someone you hate on your body every day in permanent marker. That way, no matter HOW you die, they’ll become a suspect.
- Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the Jackass Whisperer.
- Your name is NOT Calvin Klein, you are NOT an underwear model. If you want service here – PULL UP YOUR PANTS! (sign seen at a local donut shop)
- The dog has a gun and refuses to take his medication. Enter at your own risk.
- Dear Santa – If you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. – Timmy
- Dude, I’m just JOKING! You are NOT adopted! (one baby laughing the other screaming)
- Here’s all you need to know about men and women. Women are crazy, men are stupid.
- The main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid.
- If I ever save anyone’s life, I’m going to pull out my phone and say, “the subject is safe, the time is _____ and the year is _____.” Then I’m going to look them in the eye and say, “Your future great great great grandson is a very important man,” and just take off running. They will forever be telling people that they were saved by someone from the future.
- We’ll be friends ’til we’re old and senile … then we’ll be new friends!
- I know the voices in my head aren’t real … but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
- You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. (Dave Barry)
- The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on (Robert Bloch)
- I’m not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way!