Divorce can be very dirty. They are also very difficult because you are not fighting a stranger but someone with whom you vowed to spend the rest of your life. People and circumstances change and it’s no one’s fault. Divorce gets ugly because you are angry at the fact that someone you held so dear is now leaving you and is being so selfish. This anger turns to hate and makes divorces way more difficult than they have to be.
Be Kind to Your Partner
Think of the good memories you have made together and how you once really loved each other, may have even been best friends. To respect those good times, find a place in your heart to be kind to your partner. Forgive if possible, but at least don’t be selfish if you are past that point. Try to understand the point of view of the other party and explain your perspective in a calm manner. If you two can find kindness, there will be no trouble in separating.
Study Divorce Laws and Your Rights
You should know all your rights before you start the discussion with your partner. Kindness might not always work, so you both should know what you are gaining or losing. As you are no lawyer with a legal background, you should take the help of a family lawyer like Matrimonial Home to guide you through this step. You will learn everything you need to learn and get help in ensuring you get the separation the way you want it. Knowing your rights will also ensure that no one can manipulate you.
Get a Mediator or Litigator
Considering the circumstances you are going through, it could be difficult for you two to sit and talk calmly. That’s why you will need a mediator or litigator to resolve the conflict. A mediator can only instruct you but a litigator can order you, which you are legally bound to oblige. They will listen to both of you and then help you find a middle ground.
Define and Discuss Goals
Once you are calm and talking whether with or without outside help, you should start by defining and discussing the goals of the conversation. Make sure you both understand that the main goal is to resolve this peacefully without the intention of hurting each other. The most important discussion includes the custody of children and division of assets. Unless one of the partners is abusive, no parent should be stopped from its child. Likewise, both partners contributed to assets built after the marriage, so both deserve that they get their share.
Avoid Going to Court
Make it clear to your partner that going to court is not going to be good for either one of you. If you are well-informed, you can tell your partner your legal rights and how it is not going exactly how they might hope. Once it is understood that court is not the solution, you would be willing to sit and listen to each other. Remember, no secret remains hidden and you have to answer painful questions when such issues are brought before the judge.
Go to a Therapist
All of this can be really draining. You are emotionally hurt in these times and it’s unlikely that you will be able to make rational decisions. To ensure your anger or hate doesn’t take over you, visit a therapist and share your story. It will help you see things from a bigger perspective and cope with the pain. Try to start visiting as soon as you decide to separate, so you are stronger and well-prepared by the time it comes to legal matters.