Life can go along so peacefully and then, in an instant, chaos reigns supreme in the lives of those living with a child and ADHD.
Had a nice, relaxing afternoon at the pool today with T. (the 10-year-old), but the minute we came home and encountered J. (the 13-year-old), all hell broke loose.
I don’t know if it was because I made T. leave the pool (he wanted to stay longer but wasn’t swimming, was just sitting there shivering) or because J. didn’t like T.’s tone of voice when we came in. It’s as though J. can just automatically “sense” when T. is in a bad mood and he hones in on that and does everything in his power to agitate his brother and just push his buttons. If T. is already in a mood and J. starts in on him – its on – and there is no stopping the ensuing verbal assault on each other that inevitably leads to fists flying if I can’t get between them quick enough and put a stop to it.
There are times when I feel like J. is really making strides and “growing” through the ADHD … and then there are times like these when I’m left feeling broken, tired, and unable to continue the constant guard I have to keep up when they are in close proximity to each other. T. gets so angry he wishes that J. would just drop dead (and verbalizes this at the top of his voice) and J. just sits there and grins – only fueling the fire even more.Three times in the past two months – and these “episodes” have come up so quickly, like a tornado out of the clear blue sky – that it leaves me feeling as though I’ve been hit with a truck emotionally.
When you are the parent of a child with ADHD, you learn to take days like this in stride and act according to the situation – not according to the behavior. No, the behavior is not condoned, but you don’t treat the child differently because of the behavior. You have to practice patience, love, caring, and most of all – attempt to understand what makes them react the way that they do, what makes them ‘tick’ if you will – and then try to avoid circumstances that will cause them to react in that manner, or find the skills to teach them how to handle their reaction differently when faced with those situations.
As for this momma, the boys have been separated once again, and I’m in desperate need of a glass of wine after this emotional rollercoaster.