BitchGirl For Hire – Nobody Will Read This Shit Anyway

For the uneducated here’s a definition from the Urban Dictionary:

A BitchGirl is seemingly normal and usually very nice, but when drunk gets angry and flies into sudden, unpredictable tantrums or rages. Usually used to describe an angry, drunken, alter ego and while in this state should only be addressed as such. Can often be found wandering the streets of Scranton Pennsylvania – or currently in Richmond Virginia.

A fuckboy is basically a boy who fucks girls around; gives mixed signals, tell you they want you then drop you and pretend you mean nothing to them.

Now, in my case, I’m feeling decidedly like the BitchGirl in this family at the moment and I am not happy.

I don’t know if I should blame it on the weather, the people and animal that I live with, the fact that I’ve been on my cycle for 14 days and counting now or just the simple fact that life sucks at times. It’s Christmas time, and I really and truly wanted to make this year special … and right now I’m at the point where I don’t give a rat’s ass if I put a tree up or not. Why? Because nobody gives a shit if I do or not.

My family and the dog are seriously pissing me the fuck off at the moment.

Like I said, I’ve been on my cycle for the past 14 days and counting now … and having to deal with the biggest freaking clots I’ve ever seen or had to endure IN MY LIFE. Ranging in size from golf ball to softball – these suckers need to effing stop NOW before I end up needing a blood transfusion. (Totally not making that up – that’s what the emergency room doctor told me after he ruled out that I might have ovarian or cervical cancer and took 8 tubes of blood and did a pregnancy test.)

The dog refuses to go outside for more than a minute with any other member of this household and will fucking WAIT for me to get home to go to the bathroom. Then when she DOES decide to carry her happy little ass outside she wants to spend 5 minutes in freezing cold temperatures just standing there staring at me like she done lost her mind. Or maybe she’s deciding how long she can keep me outside before I go back in the house and leave her ass out there. 

As for the rest of the men in this household? Where do I even begin! All day long this is all that I hear:

“Mom, will you take me to (insert friend’s house, skate park, fast food place, across the street, etc.)…”  Usually asked at the last moment and when I’m in the middle of cooking a three course meal or working on a deadline.

“Read this for me … ” I’m not your secretary. I don’t receive a paycheck from you every week to be your secretary, and saying “you have a roof over your head is payment enough” doesn’t fucking wash.

“Text so-and-so for me and tell them …” Again – you don’t pay me to be your secretary and if you can’t figure out how to use your phone then you don’t need to text.

“Fill this out for me…” Again – you don’t pay me to be your secretary.

“I’m hungry, what can you fix me?”  You can eat the leftovers from the three course dinner I made last night that everyone refused to eat and I put in the fridge so that children starving in Ethiopia wouldn’t cry because I threw a perfectly good meal away.

“Mom, come pick me up from school please. I’m …” either sick, have a headache, the other kids are annoying the hell out of them and triggering an anxiety attack, or they simply don’t want to be there … and usually received within the first two hours of school and guaranteed to happen every Monday like clockwork.

“Why didn’t you clean the house today?”  Because I’ve been running all over fucking town taking your kids to school and then picking them up an hour later or waiting for the dog to decide if she wants to sniff that blade of grass again for the 3,000,000 time.

“I asked you three times to open the window, why can’t you do something I ask?” Um, why can’t you stop asking me and take two fucking seconds to open it your damn self? When did I become the designated window guard when you are standing right there next to it?

That’s just a portion of the bullshit I deal with every day. And yes, I already know that my actions are the reason they feel that they can get away with this shit. I’m not asking for solutions, I’m venting and bitching and ranting about how mothers/wives are taken for granted so damn much by their offspring and their husbands.

Just this morning, my youngest son caught an attitude because I was making him go to school (he’s got three days left before winter break and had off Monday and Tuesday of this week already). His excuse was he was getting a head cold again and his head hurt. 

Oh really? I’ve had a fucking cold since the week before Thanksgiving, a period for the past two weeks that is dumping shit out my body at an alarming rate … I am exhausted, weak, and when I cough it is so hard and violent that I can barely breathe at times. Am I laying in bed all day? Nope, can’t do that. If I did, then nobody would eat, they’d all be wearing the same dirty ass clothes for two weeks, nobody would have any clean dishes to eat off of, and they would be dodging the dog piss and shit because nobody else can take her outside. Don’t even get me started on the trash overflowing in the can all over the kitchen.

So yeah … this mom is tired of being the resident BitchGirl for everyone else. I’m gonna go hide out in the closet with my bottle of wine if anyone is looking for me. Tell the family I ran away from home and joined the frigging circus and their asses are on their own now.

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