How To Start The Conversation With Your Partner About Big Decisions

How do you approach a serious topic in your relationship? Because many people find it difficult to talk when there’s no laughing matter on the table. Whether you want to move in together, talk about getting married, or you want to discuss if now’s a good time to get a dog, the conversation can be tough. If the relationship is new, or you’ve had troubles communicating before, the idea of being so open can be incredibly intimidating! But that’s why we’ve got some advice for you down below. 

Honesty Goes a Long Way

We all know this, realistically, but it can be hard to remember when you’re in a heated debate with your partner. You need to be honest with them, and not use white lies here and there to soften the blow about a certain choice you want to make or how you feel about their own thoughts. 

Be an Active Listener

Listening is just as important as getting your own point of view across. If you’ve had trouble communicating in the past, this was probably the crux of the entire problem. You didn’t quite know how to stop and take in what your partner was saying, and neither did they, and you just talked over each other. 

Talk About What Might Go Wrong

Leave nothing unsaid. If you feel something, say it. If you want or don’t want to do something, say it. Let the point be known, get it out there, and let your partner see where you’re coming from. Because there’s a lot that can go wrong in life, and we should be prepared – even when the rose-tinted glasses are on!

Say you want to move in together. Acknowledge what can go wrong in such an arrangement. Maybe you’re messy and they’re neat, or maybe you own the house and you’re worried about having to pay for everything. If you talk about it now, you can get it sorted. 

For the former, lay down your own boundaries around housework, and then can come up with something like a Marvin Agreement for the latter. You can work on it together, you just need to know what you’re trying to approach as a team! 

Talk as a Team

Speaking of working as a team, talk like one too. Never come from an ‘I’ and ‘me’ standpoint. Talk about the two of you going into the decision as one, and coming out the other side equally benefiting or compromising on it. 

It’s easy to talk about what you want and what you might be afraid of, but changing your mindset to include the both of you removes that certain selfish element. What do you two need here? What do you both want from the decision? What are the drawbacks that could affect you, even in different ways? This is where you talk about it. 

Remember, ‘big’ conversations matter. But it’s always better to have them than to leave any emotions surrounding them bottled up. 

2020 Kimberly Signature

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