First, let me start off by saying this is NOT a pity-party post or anything like that. Well, it is, in a way, but I’m not expecting anyone out there to *fix* what’s ailing me … I just need to … vent. Capiche?
1) My internet and home phone service is about to be disconnected anytime this weekend because TMT had too many of his bills to pay to worry about paying mine and Jonathan’s bill. (He “claims” that he’s “working” on it … but I know what needs to be paid and what he’s got to work with. He’s going to have to pull a mighty big rabbit out of his arse to make it happen)
2) Because of issue #1 I have been rushing around today trying to get things downloaded and done that I need to have if I am suddenly without internet.
3) I’M BUSY. I DON’T HAVE FUCKING TIME TO SIT AND MAKE SMALL TALK WITH THE NEIGHBORS TODAY. Nobody effing comes around till I DON’T WANT TO BE BOTHERED!
4) Mother’s Day is Sunday. All I wanted was my Internet and peace and quiet, to not have to do ANYTHING for ANYONE. Doesn’t look as though that is going to happen.
5) Mother’s Day is Sunday. I seriously doubt that I am going to hear from my daughter. I’m not expecting to. But it’s still seriously pissing me the fuck off. From the second she was born until the day she left home – I devoted 95% of my every waking moment to her. So yeah, I’m pissed.
6) I have wanted to get down on my knees and pray so many times today and haven’t. You know things are bad when you want to talk to your God and find some peace and you can’t because even YOU don’t know what the hell you want.
So I’m off to “make nice” with the neighbor and plaster a smile on my face that I don’t want to put there and just try to talk to God in my head and forget about the rest of the b.s. Whatever is gonna be is gonna be and that’s all there is to it. Right? Right.