As they say, hindsight is 20/20. There’s no one better to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do during a divorce than people who have been there themselves. Whatever the course of the relationship has been like, divorce is never pleasant, and it can be hard to collect your thoughts and make the right decisions. Whether you’re in the midst of a divorce or just contemplating it, here’s some advice to make it as smooth as possible.
The first thing you should come to terms with is that it may take a very long time to recover emotionally, and that’s fine. Even the strongest of people have a hard time getting through the emotional fallout of a divorce. You’ve probably been sharing every little aspect of your life with this person, and now you’re going to have to get used to the idea of being apart. This can be a heavy blow, no matter how urgently you wanted the marriage to end. Initially, you may find it hard to function in your daily routines. Even after that, you may spend months or years suffering from the emotional aftermath. The thing you need to keep telling yourself is that everyone recovers from their divorce at their own pace. There’s no point in getting angry at yourself for not bouncing back immediately. Just remember that you will recover. You just need to give it time.
Now, onto something a little more practical. As soon as you know that your divorce is going to happen, you need to start looking for legal counsel. Choosing the right counsel can make all the difference in a divorce, so leave yourself plenty of time and don’t rush through the decision. It’s not all that uncommon for some people to hire criminal lawyers, or other attorneys who have specialized in another area. They may want to save some money on legal fees, or simply don’t want to spend much time thinking about such a painful situation. This is understandable, but if you make the wrong choice you’ll probably get a poor settlement. If you want to come out in the best possible position, be sure to hire a professional divorce attorney.
Finally, take your children’s behavior over what they actually say. Obviously, you’re going to want to know how your kids feel about the divorce before you make certain important decisions. Unfortunately, your children won’t be that quick to express themselves. No matter how much you tell them otherwise, your kids will feel some kind of responsibility for the divorce, regardless of how much they understand. Don’t waste your time by asking them how they’re dealing with it. Instead, monitor their behavior. The one thing you should really look out for is regression. If your kids are acting younger, for example wanting to sleep in your bed, or your adolescent is acting out at school, then it’s time to have a talk. Aside from that, you won’t gain much from trying to explain such a complex situation to a child.