There are some days when I post online about every little thing happening in my life. Then there are other days when I clam up and don’t want to talk about things that are going on in my personal life. My blog is my outlet; however, and it is where I come to write, to empty my heart and lay bare my soul. Writing is cathartic for me, it allows me to express what is churning around inside my heart and my head, and helps me to work through a variety of emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc.
Today’s cathartic session is about parenting and about relationships. Both of which I feel as though I am failing miserably at today.
I am angry, I am hurt, I am emotional, I am insecure – I am all of these and so much more at the moment. I feel as though the last 24 hours have just been a complete and total onslaught of my nerves and my emotions and my thoughts – as though I have been under attack from all sides – family, friends and teachers.
I was going to delve into a complete tirade of what has been going on here the past 24 hours and decided against it. I am trying to bless my soul this year with positive and uplifting thoughts, words and deeds – I do not want the negativity of the past 24 hours to be forever engraved into the fabric of our pasts and become a constant reminder that can be referred to again and again. Out with the old and in with the new … that’s what starting a new year fresh is all about right?
J. & T. are not happy with The Man Thing and I at the moment. As a matter of fact, nobody is speaking to anybody in this house at the moment. You can pretty much cut the tension with a knife around here. T. broke something of J.’s last night that goes to his gaming system and J. was just beside himself. You want to make the boy cry – mess with his XBox. He’s as attached to his XBox as his momma is to her computer and tablet. So T. received 5 days in-house punishment. No games, no friends over, just room cleaning, homework, and television (in that order I might add).
J. got into it with a student at school today and (being already ticked off about his game being broken) he lost his self-control and went off on another student and a resource officer, so he’s looking at anywhere from 10 to 20 days of suspension – and exams are coming up next week. He’s already missed a week of school due to his concussion … and now this. He is never going to be able to get caught up on all of that work. So, due to his behavior, he’s off ALL games and computers for two weeks.
I’m not even going to attempt to touch why The Man Thing and I are not speaking. He went completely out to left field yesterday evening over something completely trivial – that would easily have been avoided if he had just communicated with me – but apparently I am only good enough to bark orders at; not good enough to have a conversation with.
A friend whom I have known for many, many years sent me an email last night that made me feel horrible as she thought I was attempting to ‘cleanse’ her out of my life as well with my organizational campaign for 2013 – which took me completely by surprise as it came out of nowhere. I think I must have missed a few emails or something.
A friend who lives in our apartment complex had wanted to come over and visit and I persuaded him that it was not a good idea today; and I just received word from his grandmother that he suffered three seizures and was on his way to the emergency room. I pray for him constantly – he’s been having them more frequently here of late it seems, and I just hope and pray that it isn’t a sign of something worse on the horizon.
The past 24 hours have been a living hell. I am going to go relax and listen to a bit of music before turning in for the night, and pray that God answers prayers that tomorrow the world will be a bit brighter, kinder, sweeter, and gentler on this weary heart of mine.