I had a horrid premonition on Monday. I was taking T. to the pediatrician. The rain was pouring down out of the sky as though every angel in heaven was crying. So fast, so furious, that you could not see an inch in front of you, and even the wiper blades on the speed-of-light setting were of little use.
As I am driving down the Powhite Parkway, an image appears in my mind just as clear as if I were seeing it unfold in front of me. Our truck hitting the guardrail, my screaming and throwing an arm in front of T. to protect him, and then the truck rolling end over end several times before coming to a stop on an embankment next to the river.
I snatched the seat belt off of me and crawled out the window. T. was hanging on the passenger side, upside down. I unsnapped his seat belt and pulled him through the window onto my lap, screaming for him to wake up. There wasn’t a single mark on him, but he wouldn’t open his eyes. He wasn’t breathing. I sat there, giving him mouth-to-mouth, sobbing uncontrollably, knowing in my heart that his spirit had already left his body.
I then flashed to my sitting at home on my bed, rocking back and forth, alone and desolate. Calling him, asking him to please give me a sign, something, anything. To just let me know that he was okay.
Nothing. Emptiness. Deafening silence.
This ‘premonition’ was so real, so life-like, that it sent me into a full-blown panic attack. I had to mentally and physically shake my head several times to finally get those horrid images to fade away.
I looked over at T. who hadn’t seen me “go blank” for several minutes, completely unaware of the horror that had just flashed through my mind. He was singing his heart out, hands waving in the air, head be-bopping back and forth, not a care in the world.
I quietly said, just in case it was the last time I would ever be able to tell him, “I love you little man.” He smiled and replied, “I love you too, Mom. Lots!” and continued singing and bouncing around the house.
I don’t believe I’ve ever been as cautious, nervous, anxious – as I was that day on the way to and from his pediatrician’s appointment. I prayed the entire way there for God’s protection over us. You never know when your life can be changed in an instant.