Sexting and Your Teenage Boys

I started this post as a rant about something that happened with my teenage son today. The more I typed, however, the angrier I got. I also started to realize, after doing some heavy-duty Googling – that I’m not the only parent dealing with this. So I decided to change the tone from one of anger and disbelief to one that (hopefully) will offer advice to other parents going through similar situations.

Your Kids Texting? Then They’re Probably Sexting.

Bury your head in the sand all you want, like I did. The cold hard facts though are that if your kids are texting their friends on a cell phone or a tablet or the computer, chances are high that they are also sexting, or have received them, or thought about sending them. DoSomething.org has a great article entitled, 11 Facts About Sexting. From the article:

Sexting is defined by the U.S. court system as “an act of sending sexually explicit materials through mobile phones.” The messages may be text, photo, or video.

• 22 percent of high-school age teens (ages 14 to 17) and 33 percent of college-age students (ages 18 to 24) have been involved in a form of nude sexting.
• Sending or receiving a sexually suggestive text or image under the age of 18 is considered child pornography and can result in criminal charges.
• Among 14- to 24-year-olds who admit to sexting, 29 percent send these messages to people they have never met, but know from the Internet.
• Nearly 40 percent of all teenagers have posted or sent sexually suggestive messages, but this practice is more common among boys than girls.
• Who will see your sext? 17 percent of sexters share the messages they receive with others, and 55 percent of those share them with more than one person.

Proactive or Reactive Parenting

I am ashamed to admit that I am a reactive parent. I don’t normally address issues (even if I see them brewing on the horizon) until something happens, and then I go flying into my bent-out-of-shape-psycho-mom routine – which immediately causes a shutdown in both of the boys and they hear absolutely nothing that I say to them.

I am trying – desperately I tell you – to learn to be a proactive parent. That means actually sitting down and taking time with the boys and talking TO them – not AT them. That is one of my resolutions for 2014 – to become more of a proactive parent. Situations like these call for a level-headed parent – not the psycho mom I turned into. Oh believe me, Dad got a little “high and to the right” as well, but I completely lost it. I mean, that is just something that NO mother should ever have to see coming from her own child.

In Conclusion

There are things that we as parents need to do to keep our children safe when they are online – whether that be on the Internet surfing the web, on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, or while doing something as seemingly harmless as chatting with a friend via text messages.

1. Talk to your kids about what they have done today. Ask questions. Ask them who they texted today, ask to see the texts. If there is a problem and they don’t want you to read the texts – then chances are high that something inappropriate was said or shown – that they don’t want you to know about. (If you post something you wouldn’t want your parents to read, chances are you should not be posting it.)
2. Talk to them about important subjects when the opportunity presents itself. For instance, a news program is doing a piece on teens and sexting, have them watch it with you and talk about it.
3. Set boundaries – AHEAD OF TIME. Make sure your teen knows what is expected of him/her. If there is a curfew on cell phone usage, enforce it. If there is a policy in place that the device be turned over for inspection at any given moment, do it. Make sure that they know the rules and that you stick to the consequences you’ve told them will occur if x, y or z occurs.

Some Good Reading

You can find some more great information here: Sexting and Risky Teen Behavior from Pediatric Housecalls and Sexting: Risky Actions and Overreactions from the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.

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