This Is Why I Hate Children

Children are the spawn of Satan himself. I swear they are. It is why I hate children.

I lost a very promising position today as a transcriptionist working from home (making $10 for every 15 minutes of transcription!!!!) because my two little demons from HELL couldn’t keep their damn mouths shut for just 10 friggin minutes so I could finish proofreading a tape I had transcribed this afternoon. I worked on this tape for 2 hours. Transcribing it, going back and fixing my fucked up shorthand typing I use, then running spell check and grammar check on it and then, finally, listening to the tape over again and reading along to make sure that I (a) had not missed any words and (b) had not missed any incorrect spellings or my shorthand typing crap.

I was on the last part, listening to the tape over, and because THEY COULD NOT KEEP THEIR DAMN MOUTHS SHUT, I missed four little errors:

“Disney Land” should be “Disneyland”
“fantasy land” was not capitalized
“Carribean” was spelled incorrectly
“their” should be “they’re” and it should be capitalized, as it’s starting a new sentence

AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to just THROTTLE THEM when I got the email back! I wasted an entire afternoon working on this damn thing! I have over 20 damn years of legal secretary experience where the majority of the work that I performed was transcription and I did independent contract transcription for another law firm off and on for 5 years and I have never made such stupid, bonehead mistakes as this!

I swear to all that is heaven and holy, their teachers gave them speed before they came home from school today. That’s the only explanation for their behavior. They are running around (still) even after my numerous lung-wrenching screams for them to “SHUT UP!” and I am about ready to stuff them in the washing machine, close the lid, lock the door and turn the bitch on!!!!


Okay, I guess I wouldn’t seriously do that….but damn it I had to vent!!!!! Maybe a muzzle or two would work.

‘Course, I could always do what my mom did to me one day. Tie them to the wash line with a gag in their mouth. Seriously. She did. I must have TOTALLY pissed her off that day. When my dad got home and saw me, he asked me what I did and I just shrugged my shoulders. He went inside, talked to my mom for a minute, came back out and untied me and ungagged me and told me to stay outside and play and not go in the house for awhile.

I didn’t step foot back in the house till she called my brother and I in for dinner.

Guess I know where I get THOSE genes from, huh?

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