Until

I believe taking a break, going for a walk, enjoying the brisk fall air, the last remaining heady scent of the summer’s last roses, is cleansing.

Until you twist your ankle on a rock that was hidden beneath the fallen leaves, falling face-first into the rose bush, heavy with thorns.

I believe that there is a silver lining in every rain cloud.

Until the nor’easter comes up along the coast and leaves your home under six feet of water and all of your belongings and precious memories ruined, gone forever.

I believe that all human beings have a warm heart, a kind spirit, and a willingness to help another person.

Until I see a group of children beating up another child because he’s not wearing a particular pair of shoes, or a particular name brand of clothing.

I believe that when you pray, the good Lord above hears our every prayer, knows our every need, want, and desire; and will provide whatever it is we need if we are just patient enough, faithful enough.

Until days go by, until months go by, until years go by, and you feel as though your prayers were nothing more than a mere whisper amongst the cries of those around you, and the Lord did not hear you.

I believe that we are never given more than we can hold on our shoulders and that, when the burden seems to become too difficult to hold any longer, that our trial will be over and our burden will be lifted.

Until I look back on my life and realize that I have felt the burden growing heavier, and heavier, for most of my adult life, and there is nothing but dark clouds on the horizon.

I believe that there is joy in a baby’s smile, in a baby’s laughter. I believe that your soul can be quieted and brought to peace by watching a sunset on the beach as the waves gently lap against your feet.

Until you lose your hearing, and are living in a world of silence. Until you have lost your eyesight, and can no longer see the sunset. Until you can no longer tell that one more step forward will catapult you off the end of the pier and into the darkness that will end your life.

I believe that we are capable of changing, evolving, learning, growing, to become better human beings than which we were born.

Until after years, and years, and years of teaching, setting examples, standing up for what is right, behaving properly, talking properly, handling situations the right way you realize – people have not changed. That they have no intention of changing. They have no desire to change.

I believe in getting up each day, putting on my armor to fight the evil of the world one more time, to smile in the face of adversity, to laugh in the face of disappointment, to make my happiness where ever I may be.

Until I open my eyes in the morning to find my armor melted, my smile twisted into a sad, pitiful shell of its former brilliance, the laughter choked from my throat with nothing more than a desolate, strangled, gurgle.

Until I open my eyes and realize that my happiness has been chipped away at, tormented, beaten against the shores of time, eroded, until there is nothing left but a small, cold, hard-as-steel pebble where the joy once resided in my heart.

– Kimberly A. Miller, October 2015