Have you ever wished you could add a few items to the dating site selections when it comes to them matching you up with someone? Online dating is great, it enables people to find and introduce themselves to new people all over the world, usually with the goal of developing romantic or personal relationships and there are a lot of free dating apps to choose from and great sites like welovedates.com.The good doesn't always last, and the bad usually gets worse. -Dr. Jack Van Epp Click To Tweet
It is a proven fact that love diminishes your critical thinking process. Now don’t get me wrong – being a rose-colored glasses kind of individual, I am always a sucker for a good love story that has a happy ending. I believe that dating sites would have a much better success rate if they focus on the quirks of our personalities and matching them up with others who have similar quirks so you don’t end up wanting to kill them after a few months of dating or cohabitating. That is just months wasted from your life and theirs that could have been avoided.
Because as we all know, as soon as the bloom is off the rose and you settle into some form of commitment and the carefree courtship falls off and you enter in living your everyday lives, things will change. What used to be enchanting or exciting now drives you nuts. The sloppy habits, unskilled communication, unreasonable standards, irrational perspectives, inability to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes – it all makes the kindness, patience, and forgiveness that was so easy in the beginning to run very thin and not so easily dismissed. Resentment and anger seem to be right around every corner, especially during stressful times.
So here are some of the top quirks that I think should be implemented into online dating sites when attempting to match you with your perfect mate.
Finances and Bank Accounts
Who pays the bills? Gone are the days when the men brought home the bacon and paid the bills and the little woman took care of the house. Finances are the number one cause of problems in a relationship, so ironing out who handles what is vitally important.
Who handles the household finances? l am a firm believer that each working individual in the household should contribute a portion of their income to the household finance account. This account is used to buy toiletries, laundry detergent, soap, cleaning supplies, etc. This is the account that keeps the household running and operational, and should only be used for that reason, and both individuals should be on the account – unless one of the individuals cannot practice self-restraint when it comes to spending.
Do you have joint accounts or separate accounts? I think each individual should maintain their own separate account. A joint account for household finances or home repairs and insurance. A woman should retain her right to a separate account and her own money and a man should have no problem with her having a separate account.
Are you a saver or a spender? If you are great at saving but your significant other spends money the minute he gets it, you might have an issue. Having two spenders is not good for a relationship either.
Entertainment and Social Media
What types of TV shows and movies do you like? My husband and I have one common thread when it comes to television and movies – comedians. We both enjoy the same comedians and will go to see a live show or a movie that they are in. That is where our similarities end. I am a Criminal Minds, Law & Order, reality-tv loving gal while he is quite content to watch every Godzilla movie ever made over, and over, and over, and over. His go-to entertainment is shows like Lost in Space, Svengoolie, and any b-rated movie with aliens and monsters from the 50s and 60s.
Do you spend every waking moment on social media? There are a time and place to check your social media, and while spending quality one-on-one time with your significant other is NOT the time or place.
How do you de-stress and get your calm and centered self back? For me, it is drinking a glass of wine and relaxing with a good book, or just sitting on the beach listening to the waves of the ocean and the song of the seagulls. My husbands are fishing or going to the race track. When he’s at the track, I curl up with a book. When he goes fishing, I listen to the ocean and relax on the beach. We each get what we need in the same environment or we choose to get what we need separately.
Do you agree on what to tip when you dine out? How your significant other views the waitress or bartender who has served you says a lot about their personality. If they want to leave a generous tip, then they are empathetic and understand how hard service people work and tip accordingly. If your partner thinks the meal was expensive enough and a tip is not warranted, then you could have a potential issue with their morals and socially conscious behaviors, or lack thereof.
Personalities, Sex, Affection, and Goals
Do they appreciate the little things you do? No matter if you are on day 1 of your relationship or day 1,999 – everyone needs to feel appreciated for the things they do. When your boss thanks you for staying late to help out on a project, you feel appreciated and you are more likely to volunteer the next time he needs assistance with something. The same holds true with our relationships. I will be perfectly honest – if my husband and children showed me even an ounce of appreciation for all that I do for them – I would do even more, gladly. When they don’t – I stop doing for them. I am not going to continue to give my all when it is not appreciated. A simple, “thanks mom for taking time out of your day to take me to my friend’s house again,” or an “I really appreciate you running to the store for me because I’m so tired,” would go a long way.
Are they affectionate with you in public or only in private? The major quirk with me that I wish I had known before I committed to this relationship. Not a deal breaker, just one that saddens me. My husband is NOT an affectionate person in public. There is no hand holding, there is no quick kiss just because, there is nothing. If you saw us walking side-by-side down the street you would never know that we were a couple. I am affectionate and appreciate hand holding, just feeling connected with the one I love and I am with.
If you are planning on having children – have you discussed how you plan to discipline, what religion you want them to be raised up with, what your plans are for their education, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate? I could write a book about this subject alone. Suffice it to say, if you are in a committed relationship and are contemplating having a family – you need to discuss all of this and then some prior to the arrival of your offspring. The number one argument between couples after finances is how to raise their children – and can lead to divorce if you don’t iron these issues out ahead of time.
What are your expectations about sex with your partner? I am a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather, along with verbal and emotional and physical abuse. As such, I am not an overly sexual person. Quite frankly I could care less if I ever had sex again. This was a major issue with my first husband, and a direct result of our divorce I’m sure. So when I became involved with my husband now, I made sure I told him about my past and my feelings on sex in general. It has not prevented numerous fights over the lack thereof, however, he does understand my nonchalance about the whole thing and I am (still) learning that sometimes it is best to just shut up and put out for 5 minutes so I can go back to what I was doing.
Extrovert or Introvert
Some people enjoy being surrounded by other people all the time, and others like the quiet solitude of their own four walls. There isn’t a wrong or right way to be, but if you are one and your partner is the other, you need to be able to find a balance.
Are you comfortable with alone time for each of you or time away from each other to spend time with friends? Even the most in-sync couple needs time apart – either alone or to spend with friends. Having outside interests with friends or on your own helps to keep you a well-rounded person and interesting. If you forgo those relationships that made you interesting to your significant other in the first place, you will find yourself resentful and stagnant.
Does your partner have outside interests to continue their education or learn a new skill – or do they depend on you completely for their happiness? My husband and I each have outside interests – I do not depend on him for my happiness and he knows that he should not depend on me solely for his happiness. I don’t do fishing – and that brings him joy. I will; however, go sit on the pier with him if we have a hotel room to retire to for a few hours and watch him fish while I read and listen to the ocean. I am constantly on the computer reading articles and checking the news, he watches videos on Facebook. We each find happiness in different ways.
Are you more comfortable staying home or do you prefer going out? My husband would stay at home every day of his life if he could and not have to interact with the outside world. I am the exact opposite – which can cause issues at times. I have learned though that I can still go out and go to the museums and art galleries and window shop without him and have a good time.
Can you have a conversation with disagreeing thoughts on a topic without it turning into a fight? You do not need to necessarily be right about everything. The sooner you learn this and realize that there are always going to be two sides to every argument and that you can agree to disagree on various topics, the easier your relationship will be. Compromise is a huge asset in any relationship, but you should not be forced to compromise on your morals or beliefs to be in a relationship with someone.
Do you and your partner have baggage from past relationships? Baggage is just that – baggage – and you need to leave it at the door when you start a new relationship. If you have not had time to deal with the issues from a previous relationship or your childhood – my advice is that you figure out who you are before you drag an unsuspecting individual into your personal hell and then expect them to fix you. If you cannot do that, you need to be upfront with your partner about your baggage and be receptive when they tell you that you are pushing that baggage onto them. Example being ex-girlfriend cheated on you so you suspect the new girlfriend of cheating on you simply because the previous girlfriend cheated and with no other proof at all. Just stop it.
Do you and your partner share the same interests? You should have similar interests that you enjoy, after all, that’s part of being a couple – sharing interests that you both enjoy. However, it is also okay to have interests that your partner isn’t involved with – things you do with your friends for example. You don’t have to be joined at the hip in everything that you do, but it helps to have some things in common.
Household Chores and Responsibilities
How do you deal with household chores like laundry, cleaning, picking up the dry-cleaning? I am a firm believer that household chores should be shared by every member of the household. Now as a stay-at-home mom, I took on the majority of household chores because I was home and able to do more of the household chores throughout the day. As a working mom; however, since it is my responsibility to take care of the children when we get home, then it is a must that household chores be shared by every capable individual in the home. They should not be put on one individual since EVERYONE lives in the home and is responsible for keeping it clean and tidy.
Those are my top quirks – what about you? Have a quirk you think should be added to a dating website to help you find the right match for you? Leave it in the comments below for us.
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